Mon's Monologue

I don't know what to say really. 21 years into the biggest battle of my life and it all comes down to today. Either i heal as person, or i crumble, inch by inch, play by play.. until i'm finished. I feel like i'm in hell right now ladies and gentlemen, believe me. I can either, sit here and get the shit kicked out of me, or i can fight my way back into the light. I can climb out of this ditch and this doubt and this uncertainty and climb my way out of hell.. one inch at a time.. I know i can do it, but i feel like i can't. I feel as if i'm too old. I look around at your faces and i see young men and women and i think.. i made every wrong choice a teenager can make. I mean, I pissed away my chance in getting a good education, and i think i chased off the person who's dear to me.. lately, i can't even stand to see the face i see in the mirror..

As we get older, some things are taken away.. well that's part of life. You'll only learn that when you start to loose stuff. You find out life is this game of inches! Just like Basketball! Because the margin of error in either game, Basketball or life, are so small.. i mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it, one half a step too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us! they're in every break of the game, every minute, every second..

I know i'm gonna fight for that inch! I know i'll tear myself and everyone around me in pieces for that inch! I'll claw with my fingernails for that inch.. because I know when you add up all those inches, that's gonna make the FUCKIN' difference between WINNING and LOOSING! between LIVING AND DYING! I'll tell you! because I know, in every fight, the guy who's willing to die is gonna win that inch! And i know, the reason why i still have any kind of life in me, is because i'm still willing to fight and die for that inch! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT LIVING IS!

The inches infront of you! I know i can do it, but i can't do it alone. That's why i look at the person next to me, i look into his or her eyes. And i know i see this person who's willing to go that inch with me. I see this person who's gonna be there for me, because when it comes down to it, he'll know that i'll do the same for him or her! That's a friend ladies and gentlemen..

Now.. it's either i heal as a person.. or i stay as a bullshit individual..
That's life for me people.. that's all there is..